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LikeItWasSodaPop
04-13-2011, 09:58
I'm new, so my journey is bound to be occasionally derailed by embarrassing purchases. Thanks to this forum, I've learned a lot, and purchased some great bottles I'm only starting to comprehend.

I was a bit naive about KBD when I first started ... found an old bottle of theirs at a store that had been closed for a few years and then re-opened under new management. It's 10 years old and in a different bottle than the current one (usually a sign of something potentially interesting). So it seemed like pretty good buy for under $20.

O sweet lord in heaven above this is the worst nastiest offensively awful crap that has ever befouled my tongue. It's so bad, I feel I need to do penance, apologize to my ancestors, maybe go to a monestary to atone, self-flagellate, fast and not speak to another human for a few years ... I feel my body has been defiled by allowing this vile juice to pass through it.

Every few weeks I pour a small glass, just hoping that my initial impulses were wrong ... that there was something I just didn't "get." But NO. This stuff is so bad my throat constricts at the smell of it. My stomach starts to riot, as if to say, "That evil garbage is coming back up if you do me the great disrespect of pouring that vile spirit into me." Perhaps this is bourbon infused with cancer. Bourbon infused with hate?

I feel as if I have a cursed talisman in my house, that evil will befall me and those I love if I don't dispose of this accursed liquid in the proper way. I worry that I may be living in an 80's horror movie, that some evil creature may be incubating in this bottle, or may be, perhaps, growing inside ME, as I write this.

I guess I could pour it on the grave of an enemy, but don't really have enemies, living or dead, so that's out. I could keep it around as a conversation piece or to use as a "test" to see if my friends can tell the good from the evil. But I worry that it's accursed energy will attract other evil spirits (pun totally intended) and may endanger my loved ones.

I could pour it down the drain, but somehow that isn't a fitting enough condemnation of the awfulness of this bourbon. Damn, I feel bad even calling it "bourbon." I want to pour it into a volcano, or launch it into the sun.

Yes, it really is that BAD.

Any ideas re: how to DESTROY this evil juice?

J

CorvallisCracker
04-13-2011, 10:13
Do you have in-laws? Do they ever visit?

callmeox
04-13-2011, 10:29
Bring it to the gazebo
Put the bottle on the table
Stand back
Observe


Mentioning the bottle loudly in the gazebo is also known to drum up business and the action is self perpetuating. Those sucked in to the gazebo hype will turn face and lure others to sample it to share the joke.

This phenomenon has also been observed with really stinky cheeses and specific 'hobo' type vattings involving gazebo leftovers or rendered animal parts, though YMMV.

White Dog
04-13-2011, 10:34
Which bottling is it?

stevegoz
04-13-2011, 10:34
Any ideas re: how to DESTROY this evil juice?

J

With flame. Under close adult supervision. :hot:

bgageus
04-13-2011, 11:30
My wife has Punch recipe for just such an occasion.

2c. Bourbon
2c. Cream Sherry
2L Ginger Ale
Bitters
Lemon Juice

Serve to the inlaws.

Parkersback
04-13-2011, 11:55
My wife has Punch recipe for just such an occasion.

2c. Bourbon
2c. Cream Sherry
2L Ginger Ale
Bitters
Lemon Juice

Serve to the inlaws.

That sounds very good.

Enoch
04-13-2011, 11:58
I take it to a party of people I really don't like and tell them it costs $50 and watch them ooh and aah over it as they drink it.

cowdery
04-13-2011, 15:43
I've never pitched bourbon. It's just not in me. But I had a bottle of probably the same stuff (sounds the same) that hung around forever. Its problem was too much wood so I tried mixing it with some whiskeys that were too young. Not a great solution but got rid of some of it. Water, ice, and ginger ale all help. Don't try something like a manhattan or whiskey sour, unless you're curious what a bad manhattan or bad whiskey sour tastes like.

Problem is, even if you can mask the taste, you still know you're drinking bad whiskey.

MarkEdwards
04-13-2011, 17:20
Save it until November and use it as an eggnog mixer.

CorvallisCracker
04-13-2011, 17:32
Which bottling is it?

Good question. They don't actually bottle anything as "KBD" bourbon.



Save it until November and use it as an eggnog mixer.

Best idea yet. If it still tastes bad, blame the eggs.

ViperGlock
04-13-2011, 20:50
Just pour it out and be done with it.

Gillman
04-14-2011, 03:07
I don't think the brand was mentioned. Some of the brands have, or have had, a unique profile. Pure XO to me has always had an intriguing combination of young and old flavours, as if you scorched some young fresh corn on the barbeque - it's a taste I enjoy, but I don't know if that was the one.

I've never had a bourbon, unless afflicted with cork taint, that you couldn't blend with one or two others to form an excellent drink on its own, with Coke or in a Manhattan. I'd try some blending or cocktail treatment.

Gary

unclebunk
04-14-2011, 06:35
I've never had a bourbon, unless afflicted with cork taint, that you couldn't blend with one or two others to form an excellent drink on its own, with Coke or in a Manhattan. I'd try some blending or cocktail treatment.


That's my suggestion too, though even a large helping of Coke didn't help my bottle of Old Bardstown much. Pure crap, that one.

SBOmarc
04-14-2011, 07:22
Use it in a marinade or as a substitute for vanilla extract.

kickert
04-14-2011, 07:26
Wow! Go ahead and tell us how you really feel about this bourbon. I would hate for you to hold back!:slappin:

Rughi
04-14-2011, 08:17
Well, he hasn't signed on again since the OP to tell us more about what he was talking about. I'm beginning to think he may have gotten something that he didn't care for, but this was really about being a creative writing exercise.

Roger

HP12
04-14-2011, 08:36
Use it in a marinade or as a substitute for vanilla extract.

Great suggestions as I was going to mention using it in cooking. Cream sauce with pork chops, BBQ sauce, and yes, a substitute for vanilla extract would be excellent, particularly in chocolate chip cookies which go great with a dram of whiskey!

steeltownbbq
04-14-2011, 19:13
Cook it down with some real maple syrup and a pinch of brown sugar until it thickens a bit and serve while still warm over ice cream.

or...

use to baste chicken or meat on the grill. If you do this after dark, the flames will impress your guests...and if you are lucky you won't taste the crappy bourbon.

--legal disclaimer: I cannot be held responsible for burns and other injuries if you try to taste the syrup while it is still hot or otherwise flambe yourself.

SBOmarc
04-14-2011, 19:23
Cook it down with some real maple syrup and a pinch of brown sugar until it thickens a bit and serve while still warm over ice cream.

or...

use to baste chicken or meat on the grill. If you do this after dark, the flames will impress your guests...and if you are lucky you won't taste the crappy bourbon.

--legal disclaimer: I cannot be held responsible for burns and other injuries if you try to taste the syrup while it is still hot or otherwise flambe yourself.

Listen closely to what this says. He speaks truth!

trumpstylz
04-15-2011, 00:14
Spent all that time and wrote all that and never gave it a name? I'm intrigued.

HP12
04-15-2011, 15:22
Bourbon Banana's Foster. Simple, impressive and delicious.

Dramiel McHinson
04-15-2011, 19:59
Bourbon, if of sufficient proof, is an excellent survival tool. For the stuff you won't miss;

Fire starter, fire restarter, cologne, antiseptic, mouth wash/gargle for sore throat, label glue remover, lamp oil, oven or grill degreaser, gun cleaner, disinfectant, toilet bowl cleaner, grout cleaner, glass cleaner, garbage disposal sanitizer, bean soaker, rice soaker, hemorrhoid treatment, chigger/redbug/tick bite treatment, toe jam remover, tooth brush cleaner, crayon remover, clothes stain remover, place a toilet paper roll in a metal coffee can or large food tin then pour the whiskey over the toilet paper and light. Cooking Stove, space heater, area light, bug and bogey man repellent, wife repellent, kids repellent, parent repellent, humanity in general repellent, Place the whiskey in a two-liter plastic bottle then affix a mustard bottle nozzle on top, now you have a poor man's flame thrower, charcoal lighter, garden grass remover, ant hill mitigation device, fired brass cleaner, barbecue sauce base, outhouse air freshener, pit bull tamer, hand sanitizer.

These are just a few of the things you can do in a pinch with that unsavory bottle of bourbon.

ratcheer
04-16-2011, 06:29
I would like to add a quote from an article I read in Playboy magazine about 45 years ago. Actually, it is a quote of a quote from someone far back in Scottish history, and the original was written in Gealic, which I will not attempt to reproduce.

"There's whiskey, and there's good whiskey, but there's no bad whiskey."

Tim

Brisko
04-16-2011, 11:03
I would like to add a quote from an article I read in Playboy magazine about 45 years ago. Actually, it is a quote of a quote from someone far back in Scottish history, and the original was written in Gealic, which I will not attempt to reproduce.

"There's whiskey, and there's good whiskey, but there's no bad whiskey."

Tim


There's a corollary to this, too: there is no such thing as bad whiskey-- some of it is just overpriced.

HP12
04-17-2011, 08:46
Just ran across this thread within SB. Here's a another great way to experiment with not so good Bourbon and possibly turn it into something special...vatting!

http://www.straightbourbon.com/forums/showthread.php?t=11145

jcg9779
04-24-2011, 22:19
Cook it down with some real maple syrup and a pinch of brown sugar until it thickens a bit and serve while still warm over ice cream.

or...

use to baste chicken or meat on the grill. If you do this after dark, the flames will impress your guests...and if you are lucky you won't taste the crappy bourbon.

--legal disclaimer: I cannot be held responsible for burns and other injuries if you try to taste the syrup while it is still hot or otherwise flambe yourself.


Use it in a marinade or as a substitute for vanilla extract.


Bourbon Banana's Foster. Simple, impressive and delicious.

All terrific ideas. I've never used a bourbon marinade on chicken but I'm sure it would be delicious.

And i LOVE the serving it over ice cream idea.

And who doesn't love Banana's Foster - add the bourbon and it's a fantastic dessert!

McKinney
04-27-2011, 15:16
Good suggestions all. I wonder if these recipes would work for a certain bottle of bourbon mixed with sherry I picked up in a less sane moment at duty free a few years back. It's been hanging at the back of the shelf for years, a constant reminder to avoid spur of the moment purchases. Like Chuck, though, it simply isn't in me to throw out whiskey so maybe boiling it down and serving it over ice cream to the inlaws is the way to go here.

LikeItWasSodaPop
04-28-2011, 15:34
Bourbon over ice cream is one of my favorite post-nightcap nightcaps. Problem is the sweetness can really mask the potency. So I really have to make sure I measure out a small amount or I end up really hung over.

Thanks for the great ideas folks. I really do think this %$&@ is terrible.

Sorry to be such a tease about it -- I forgot to follow this thread for a while -- I was really thinking of sneaking it into the gazebo as I am very much hoping to attend an event with y'all, but I will reveal the product: it's KBD's Kentucky Vintage. It was distilled in 96 and bottled in 06. The recent bottles are in a squat bottle, but this is in a bottle sort of like a wine bottle but a bit wider and with a long neck.

In any event, it makes my skin crawl. I definitely take major umbrage with the assertion that there's no bad whiskey.

Of course, what will be fun about taking it to the gazebo is seeing other's reactions. I've read enough here to recognize that preferences really do fall across a wide spectrum ... so maybe some of y'all will like it. Though if you do, it will provide me with a helpful litmus test of who's tasting notes not to trust!

I just had a taste -- still awful. It has this fake sugar-like aftertaste and a sort of "I just ate something a few days past its prime" lingering musty flavor that starts my stomach acid up the esophagus. Ugh, ugh, ugh.

Thanks for all the smart and hilarious responses, y'all.

BBQ+Bourbon
05-21-2011, 10:45
Bourbon, if of sufficient proof, is an excellent survival tool. For the stuff you won't miss;

... oven or grill degreaser....
These are just a few of the things you can do in a pinch with that unsavory bottle of bourbon.
I can testify to the efficacy of using crappy bourbon to clean a grille. I used a handle of Dant BIB for that purpose over the course of several weeks. Not only did it effectively clean the grill, I felt vindicated every time I watched that awful swill burn.

gburger
05-27-2011, 21:57
I gave my crappy whiskey away, I should have used it on the grill.

BourbonJoe
05-28-2011, 06:19
What to do with awful bourbon? Bring it to the Gazebo and give it to Smokinjoe. He has quite a few empty Bourbon Supreme bottles that need filling. :rolleyes:
Joe :usflag:

smokinjoe
05-28-2011, 07:06
What to do with awful bourbon? Bring it to the Gazebo and give it to Smokinjoe. He has quite a few empty Bourbon Supreme bottles that need filling. :rolleyes:
Joe :usflag:

That's it, smart guy. Consider this as official confirmation that your application for membership into the Georgia Bourbon Society is now formally rejected. ;)

BourbonJoe
05-28-2011, 10:40
Consider this as official confirmation that your application for membership into the Georgia Bourbon Society is now formally rejected. ;)

And one more Yankee bites the dust.
Joe :usflag:

mrviognier
05-29-2011, 06:15
That's it, smart guy. Consider this as official confirmation that your application for membership into the Georgia Bourbon Society is now formally rejected. ;)

If that means there's an opening, consider this my application.

GO DAWGS!

smokinjoe
05-29-2011, 10:53
If that means there's an opening, consider this my application.

GO DAWGS!

Woof Woof, yer in! We have a meeting on June 10 at 7:30, if you're going to be coming back to these parts!

mrviognier
05-29-2011, 12:24
Would LOVE to, but I'll be in France. I get back often...still have most of my family living in GA (Dunwoody, Roswell & Gainesville), and I try to make it back for a few UGA games. When I had the winery I was back at least 8 to 10 times a year. Really miss Georgia...