OK, I stole this one from Talisker - but I am not a Scotch guy... so now it is the:
Pappy Van Winkle 15yr Christmas Cake
* 2 cups flour
* 1 stick butter
* 1 cup of water
* 1 tsp baking soda
* 1 cup of sugar
* 1 tsp salt
* 1 cup of brown sugar
* Lemon juice
* 4 large eggs
* 1 bottle Pappy Van Winkle 15 year old Bourbon
* 2 cups of dried fruit
Sample the PVW to check quality. Take a large bowl, check the PVW again To be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink. Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar. Beat again. At this point it's best to make sure the PVW is still OK. Try another cup... Just in case. Turn off the mixer thingy. Break 2 eggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.
Pick the frigging fruit up off floor. Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers just pry it loose with a drewscriver. Sample the PVW to check for tonsisticity. Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something. Check the PVW. Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Add a spoon of sugar, or some fink. Whatever you can find. Greash the oven. Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over. Don't forget to beat off the turner. Finally, finish the PVW and wipe counter with the cat.