Welcome to the Straightbourbon.com Forums.
Results 1 to 9 of 9
  1. #1
    Irreverent One
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Location
    Heart of the Beaver State
    Posts
    2,395

    Holiday Gift Guide for the Whiskey Enthusiast

    Your friends and relations want to know what you want, and you really need to come up with a list. After all, you've already got enough "whiskey stones" to repave the driveway, and enough JD BBQ sauce to cover a blue whale.

    Well, we at Crackers in Whiskeyland (located just south of the North Pole, on decidedly thin ice) are here to help. Our crack team of webcrawlers spent the entire morning (except for ten minutes when he had to help a pesky customer) plugging improbable combinations into Google and analyzing the output. We think we've come up with some selections that should please even the most jaded whiskeyphile.

    Half a Bottle of Whiskey Bumper Sticker - $5 from Cafe Press

    Nothing perks up a vehicle more than an amusing bumper sticker (not to mention enhancing the resale value) and this one is bound to elicit friendly responses from fellow motorists. In fact, that one behind you is flashing festive red and blue lights...oh wait...better pull over...hopefully he won't spot your...

    Got Bourbon? Tote Bag - $18 from Cafe Press

    He's not going to take your word that it's just groceries, so you'll just have to let him examine the contents. After he's found nothing but Fruit Loops, Twizzlers and liter sized bottles of YooHoo, he'll still probably want to see your driver's license, so you'll need to reach for your...

    "Let's Get Hammered" Wallet - $34.50 from Cafe Press

    If he hasn't already decided to give you a breathalyzer test, he will now!


    Bourbon Thong Panties - $12.50 from Cafe Press

    Just the thing for the little lady in your life! (or not so little - available in Size 12). The question is: how do you eat bourbon? Add mass quantities of Sure Gel? The only way this will make any sense is if you can convince her to change her name to "Bourbon". Good luck with that.


    Scotch Whisky Aroma Kit - $150 from Scotchwhisky.net

    You say you just don't get Scotch. Don't pick up any of those subtle aromas described by Hansell, Murray and company? Then this is the sure cure for your malt-challenged proboscis. Those with a particular interest in Islay malts will be pleased to learn that included are "Rotting Seaweed", "Seagull Poop", "Dead Mackerel" and "Rancid Iodine".


    Fee's Pickle Brine - $6.95 from Barsupplies.com

    You're a hip urban sophisticate, so you already know that the "pickleback" is all the rage. You want to be able to make 'em at home, but it's such a pain having to buy all those jars of pickles just to get the brine (not to mention that you have no idea what to do with the pickles). Fee's Brothers has the solution! Keep this 4/5 pint (huh?) bottle handy and you'll always have a ready chaser for that shot of PVW 20.


    Whiskey the Clown mask - $37.95 from Costumes4less

    Now you're all set for your neighbor's big annual holiday costume ball. Of course, if they greet you with, "Oh, you came as yourself," then it's probably time to call the local AA chapter and inquire about the next meeting.


    Scotch & Water Pet Dish - $20 from Cafe Press

    Getting tired of Old Blue's annoying habit of barking at his reflection in that stainless steel bowl? Chuck that chunk of scrap metal and get him one of these. Fill it with water, add a few drops of yellow food coloring, and your guests will be wondering. Could that really be Scotch? Is it single malt? If not, should we report him to the SPCA? If so, I wonder if I could sneak a sip? Is anyone watching?


    Irish Whiskey Cheese - $21.99 (was $29.99) from Figi's

    Mmmmm..."delightfully enhanced with the finest single malt Kilbeggan Whiskey". Having just read a post from someone who'd just tried some Kilbeggan and reported "this bottle might end up down the drain," I have to wonder if this represents an effort to get rid of a bad batch, as in, "Oh what'll we do with this, now? Ah, we'll be mixing it with cheese and selling it to the Americans! They'll buy anything, they will!"


    Flashing Whiskey Glass - $4.75 from Amazon

    Bourbon is brown and, let's face it, brown is so...beige. Get a set of these and you've got a party in your glass! Multicolored LEDs add a visual element to the aroma and taste of your favorite whiskey. Who needs a Christmas tree when you've got this?


    Jack Daniels Gumball Machine - $98.50 from Amazon

    A stylish addition to any room of the house, and functional too. Fill with Koppers Chocolate Whiskey Cordials and you're set. Just the thing for guests with children; they'll form associations that will guide them well in adulthood. It's a Good Thing.


    Carpe Bourbon Yard Sign - $19 from Cafe Press

    Put one of these in your front yard and the whole neighborhood will be talking! Maybe they'll even forget about you being on the Sex Offenders Registry.


    So, if you've been Nice this year perhaps you'll find a number of these items under the tree. Christmas evening you could be sitting in your easy chair, with a couple of flashing whiskey glasses on the end table by your side, one filled with PVW 20 and the other with Fee's Pickle Brine. Curled up next to you is Miss Bourbon, and you know what she's wearing under that nightgown. Through the front window comes a joyful noise and a warm glow...yes, it's the Home Owners Association burning down your sign.

    Truly, could it get any better?

    Happy Holidays!


    This has been a drive by posting by the least loved member of SB.com!
    Last edited by CorvallisCracker; 12-08-2011 at 18:31.
    Scott

    "Remember that your sense of humor is inversely proportional to your level of intolerance."
    - Serge Storms

  2. #2
    Bourbonian of the Year 2010 and Guru
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Location
    Kentucky!
    Posts
    4,745

    Re: Holiday Gift Guide for the Whiskey Enthusiast

    2010 Bourbonian of the Year

    As long as you have good whiskey you're not "unemployed", you're "Funemployed!!!"

    I'm no Pappyophile

  3. #3
    Enthusiast
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    Location
    Dallas, TX
    Posts
    464

    Re: Holiday Gift Guide for the Whiskey Enthusiast

    Phenomenal research and collecting skills.

    I'm passing this along to my wife for ideas...

  4. #4
    Connoisseur
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Location
    Seattle
    Posts
    621

    Re: Holiday Gift Guide for the Whiskey Enthusiast

    Hell of a collection. Thanks for the Scott.

  5. #5
    Enthusiast
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Location
    Reston, VA
    Posts
    349

    Re: Holiday Gift Guide for the Whiskey Enthusiast

    I've just made a habit of exclaiming "how the f@#k am I supposed to drink this?" whenever I open a non-alcohol gift. The family learns quickly.

  6. #6
    Disciple
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Location
    Northern Indiana
    Posts
    1,661

    Re: Holiday Gift Guide for the Whiskey Enthusiast

    Assuming it can be replaced with a bottle made south of the 49th parallel...


  7. #7
    Bourbonian of the Year 2002 and Guru
    Join Date
    Sep 1999
    Location
    Chicago
    Posts
    12,375

    Re: Holiday Gift Guide for the Whiskey Enthusiast

    I'm amazed by how many people think Seagram's 7 is Canadian. It's not. It is and always has been made at Lawrenceburg, Indiana.

  8. #8
    Disciple
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Location
    DelMarVa
    Posts
    1,866

    Re: Holiday Gift Guide for the Whiskey Enthusiast

    Quote Originally Posted by cowdery View Post
    I'm amazed by how many people think Seagram's 7 is Canadian. It's not. It is and always has been made at Lawrenceburg, Indiana.
    Agreed. My buddy brings it to the poker table often and had to be shown the bottle in an "argument". It's clearly labeled.

  9. #9
    Connoisseur
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    Western NY
    Posts
    836

    Re: Holiday Gift Guide for the Whiskey Enthusiast

    Quote Originally Posted by Happyhour24x7 View Post
    I've just made a habit of exclaiming "how the f@#k am I supposed to drink this?" whenever I open a non-alcohol gift. The family learns quickly.
    Quote Originally Posted by timd View Post
    I'm passing this along to my wife for ideas...
    I use the Amazon Universal Wish List Browser/Bookmark
    button
    - visit any site and add items to your amazon list.
    Works like a charm (tho' my "booze" list is much bigger
    than my "books' or "misc" lists) and may be of some help
    to those who give you gifts.
    John Q.
    Tennessee Squire
    Quote Originally Posted by ggilbertva
    It won't be any cheaper than it is today.
    Quote Originally Posted by Ryan
    Someone will pay it. Someone always pays it.

 

 

Similar Threads

  1. Holiday gift packs
    By dean_martin in forum General Bourbon Discussion
    Replies: 51
    Last Post: 01-15-2010, 15:05
  2. Gift for Your Boss? Holiday Favorite?
    By allowischis in forum New to Straightbourbon
    Replies: 9
    Last Post: 11-26-2008, 09:46
  3. The holiday gift sets have begun to show up
    By jbutler in forum General Bourbon Discussion
    Replies: 11
    Last Post: 11-20-2006, 17:37
  4. Jim Murray's Whiskey Guide for...$1.00
    By Jono in forum Paraphernalia
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 11-18-2004, 20:57
  5. Holiday Gift Packs
    By johnrobe in forum General Bourbon Discussion
    Replies: 5
    Last Post: 11-17-2001, 11:00

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
Back to top