I opened my liquor cabinet this afternoon -- hey, I had a dozen people over for a tasting last night and my dinner table was littered with about 20 bottles, so I was cleaning up -- and poor little Binny's 4R OBSK must've felt such ennui that we neglected him that night, because immediately upon opening he took a leap from the top ledge of the cabinet.

Now that ledge is easily 6' off the floor. And the floor is hard wood.

As often happens in such NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO situations,
things
shifted
to
slow-
motion
as
the
bottle
fell.

Can you picture it?
Me watching it fall,
fumbling to grab it,
but it still falling,
me yelling
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"
pitched a few octaves lower
due to the slo-mo?

The bottle shattering,
the glorious
juice
dripping through the wood slats
into the basement,
never to be tasted by anyone
but
roaches?

Now
I don't know
if it's the 4R bottle design,
some fluke of gravity
or
divine intervention,
but
it just skipped,
playfully,
across the floor
like a slick rock on a placid lake,
hit
a nearby table leg, and
did about a dozen
reverse 360 spins

before coming to a rest, shaken and frothy but unharmed.

Fuck,
it's 3pm but I HAD
to drink deeply from my friend
to celebrate my friend
surviving his suicide attempt.