Just in time for the Christmas season:

A Simple Fruit Cake Recipe

Ingredients: 1 Cup Sugar
1 Cup Butter
1 Cup Dried Fruit
4 Large Eggs
1 Teaspoon Baking Soda
1 Teaspoon Salt
1 Cup Brown Sugar
Lemon Juice
1 Bottle Whiskey

Method: Sample whiskey to check for quality. Take a large bowl. Check whiskey again. To be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink. Repeat.

Turn on electric mixer and beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one peastoon of sugar and beat again. Make sure whiskey is still OK. Cry another tup. Turn off the mixer. Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit. Mix in the turner. Check whiskey again. If fruit gets stuck in the beaters, pry it loose with the drecriver. Sample whiskey again for its tonsisicity. Next, sift 2 cups of salt or something. Who cares? Check whiskey again. Now sift the lemon juice and strain the nuts. Add one babblespoon of brown sugar or whatever colour you can find. Wix mel. Grease oven. Turn cake pan to 350 gredees. Don’t forget to beat off turner. Throw bowl out the window. Check hiskey and to ged. Note: a noodle of bum may be mubstituted for the wisskky. The wesults rill bills the samee…

Merry Christmas, Todd & Peggy