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  1. #1
    Guru
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    Calling Elliot Ness...

    Americans of a certain age first learned of Prohibition by watching the TV show, "The Untouchables", back in the late 1950's, if I recall correctly.

    My most vivid memories of that show are those in which a grimly smug Robert Stack (a former world champion trap and skeet shooter, BTW), as Elliot Ness, led his men on an ax-swinging assault on rows of innocent barrels of whiskey in some mobster's warehouse. The axes swung, barrels were rent, and whiskey burst forth in a veritable river. It flowed out the door, into the steet, and down the gutter. (At least one might take consolation today in the fact that much of it was Canadian or scotch.)

    Although I had yet to take my first sip of alcohol at that time, it still struck me as a terrible waste. After all, someone had (I assumed) put a lot of effort into making that whiskey, and it would bring enjoyment to someone, somewhere, if given a chance. It wasn't the whiskey's fault that it ended up in the wrong place at the wrong time.

    Well, I feel somewhat the same way about my bottle of present-day Old Fitzgerald BIB, whose objectionable qualities I have detailed in an earlier post. The difference is that this bourbon is not going to bring me enjoyment; maybe it deserves to flow into the gutter.

    I gave it a second chance today. The nose is intriquing in its caramel oiliness. The taste carries on and is not altogether unpleasant. The finish explodes into a flaming horror that becomes a lingering bitterness, makes the roof of my mouth instantly dry and parched, and screams for a chaser of just about anything to relieve the displeasure. In contrast, a bottle of Old Forrester 86 that I opened today for comparison purposes is a decent drink, even if it did cost a mere $12.99. It's nose is not as appealing as the Old Fitz, but it has a unique character on the tongue, it goes down smoothly, and it has a pleasant finish.

    Not only will I not drink any more of my particular bottle of Old Fitz, I've decided that I wouldn't even risk using it in bourbon balls. Neveretheless, I can't quite bring myself to dump it. Maybe its my basically thrifty nature (this from someone who has bought Blanton's, Kentucky Spirit, and Rock Hill Farms in the last few months). Maybe it's my memory of Dad's many cautionary tales that began, "Back during The Great Depression, we used to..." ("Eat bread fried in yesterday's bacon drippings" was one of his favorites.) Maybe it's my memory of 'ol Elliot, having just a bit too much fun himself as he spoiled the fun for other people.

    When was the last time you dumped a bottle of bourbon? Did you agonize over the decision? And while we're at it, what brand and bottling was it?

    Yours truly,
    Dave Morefield

  2. #2
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    Re: Calling Elliot Ness...

    "When was the last time you dumped a bottle of bourbon? Did you agonize over the decision? And while we're at it, what brand and bottling was it?"

    Never dump bourbon. Ever. Just set it aside & give it away someday, there's always a thirsty man somewhere. When word gets out that you've got a 'bourbon collection' you'll have more friends than you can imagine. Some of those friends will really LIKE Old Fitz...I know I do

  3. #3
    **DONOTDELETE**
    Guest

    Re: Calling Elliot Ness...

    Bash it over W.L.Weller's head! The very last bottle of Stitzel-Weller whiskey I'll ever buy is still in the cabinet and still sucks to to high heavens! It's almost as bad as the very best sc**ch!

  4. #4
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    Re: Calling Elliot Ness...

    Sorry, Dave, I can't ever remember actually dumping a bottle of bourbon. However, I do have an old half-remaining bottle of cinnamon schnaps that is so bad, I don't know what to do with it. Still, I can't bring myself to dump it. Surely it must be good for something

    Tim

  5. #5
    Connoisseur
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    Feb 2000
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    Florida
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    Re: Calling Elliot Ness...

    Dave,

    Try the Very Special Old Fitzgerald 12y instead.
    Omar

  6. #6
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    May 2001
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    Re: Calling Elliot Ness...

    Some (non-bourbon) drinkers like cinnamon schnaps and Coke.

  7. #7
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    Re: Calling Elliot Ness...

    I've never poured out a bottle of bourbon. I've only poured out a bottle of bad Scotch. (Lynn, I know this sounds redundant to you).

  8. #8
    Disciple
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    Mar 2002
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    Bryan, Ohio
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    Good Advice

    TexasCarl Says: "Never dump bourbon. Ever. Just set it aside & give it away someday, there's always a thirsty man somewhere. When word gets out that you've got a 'bourbon collection' you'll have more friends than you can imagine. Some of those friends will really LIKE Old Fitz...I know I do."

    Hey Dave!! Seal that bottle up and mail it to me!! I cant get any of that stuff in Communist Ohio. I'll take a crack at it, hell I might even like it, who knows?!?!?!?



    TomC

    PS The Great Lakes Brewing Company, in Cleveland make absolutely one of the best micro-brewed lagers I have tried, and has named it, amusingly "The Eliot Ness"!!!

    Try it sometime, it is SUBLIME with pizza!

  9. #9
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    Re: Calling Elliot Ness...

    >When was the last time you dumped a bottle of bourbon? Did you agonize over
    >the decision? And while we're at it, what brand and bottling was it?

    Dumping bourbon? Setting aside the sacreligous aspects of such an act,
    it's a bit wasteful. Even the worst bourbon makes:

    1) A great solvent for the gummy glue that's often left behind
    on things after you try to take off the price tag
    2) A nice fuel (fondue anyone?)
    3) A good marinade ingredient
    4) The perfect aftershave (why, no, officer, I haven't been drinking...)
    5) A great way to get charcoal grills really going
    6) Why spend money on windshield wiper fluid?
    7) Add it to a pail of water, use it to wash the dog
    8) Use it to clean out the coffee maker
    9) Take it as a challenge to make it drinkable: add raisins, tea leaves,
    mint leaves, orange peel, activated carbon
    10) Pour it on the ground "for all the dead homies"
    11) Re-distill ! (BATF won't prosecute if your
    still is less than 1 gallon)
    12) Add 750 mL ethanol, 750 mL water, and 2 tablespoons of
    orange juice. Voila! Canadian whisky!

    Tim

  10. #10
    Disciple
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    Re: Calling Elliot Ness...

    10) Pour it on the ground "for all the dead homies"

    LoL! word up, mofo!


    12) Add 750 mL ethanol, 750 mL water, and 2 tablespoons of
    orange juice. Voila! Canadian whisky!


    I couldnt bring myself to do that to the most vile bourbon!!



    Dude, that was hysterical!!


    Tom (dyin of laughter, here!) C



 

 

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