Press Release: New Whiskey from HH!

[Josh]

I was slacking off at work today and found this press release in the press room section of the Heaven Hill website. I'm surprised that nobody else has posted anything yet:

April 1, 2009

HEAVEN HILL PARTNERS WITH PAUL MCCARTNEY AND OLIVIA HARRISON

An legendary whiskey-maker teams up with legendary muscicans to craft a new bourbon for Bangladesh

BARDSTOWN, KY—Heaven Hill is proud to partner with music legend Paul McCartney and Olivia Harrison, window of music legend and fellow Beatle George Harrison, in releasing a brand new Kentucky Straight Bourbon Whiskey, Old Rocky Raccoon. The whiskey will be Heaven Hill’s first certified vegan whiskey, will be at 87.976 proof and is based on an old family recipe for “raccoon free bourbon” (the first Bourbon of its kind to be sold nationally) passed down to Master Distiller Craig Beam. 10% of the proceeds of the sale of every bottle will be going to Material World Charitable Foundation, the charity founded by the late George Harrison and another 10% will go toward PETA’s “Garbage Can Kittens” anti-raccoon and opossum meat campaign, which Sir Paul McCartney is serving as spokesperson.

“It was reported recently by a major American newspaper that raccoon is making a ‘comeback’ as a food. My friends in America need to know that these are beautiful, intelligent animals,” Sir Paul stated in a Louisville press conference, “and that the raccoon and opossum meat industry is one of the cruelest and most brutal of all meat-producing industries. We know that the average bourbon-drinker feels the same way about this situation as I do. We must save these amazing animals before they go extinct in our lifetime.”

“After the Old Whiskey River became an overnight success, completely revitalizing Willie Nelson’s career, becoming the darling of whiskey lovers worldwide, and raising hundreds of dollars for Willie’s charity Legalize NOW!, we have been looking for more opportunities to work with great musicians,” said Heaven Hill president Max Shapira. “Old Rocky Raccoon is that opportunity. We have a couple more in the works, but I’m not at liberty to disclose the names of the musicians yet. I can give you a hint, though. Our next release will be great neat, but especially over ice, ice, baby!”

At the same press conference Olivia Harrison talked about the work of her husband’s charity in Bangladesh. “I’m not really sure what’s wrong with Bangladesh right now. But, I mean, that part of the world’s a real craphole, right? I mean, I saw Slumdog on pay-per-view last night and those kids had it really rough. So, like, it’s gotta suck in Bangladesh, like, ten times worse.”

[DrinkyBanjo]

April fools? This cannot be real.

[marco246]

Josh,

Clearly you have a little too much time on your hands--but I like it anyway.

Cheers!

P.S. I was once on a flight from Kathmandu to Dhaka on Biman, the Bangladesh national airline, and was disconcerted when the pilot announced we'd be landing at General Zia International Airport at such-and-such a time, Inshallah, i.e., if it pleases God. I found that kind of fatalism offputting, especially since the aircraft, an old DC-8, had obviously seen better days. Also, no liquor was served on the flight, especially disappointing considering the circumstances.

[StraightBoston]

Brilliant! (I liked the multiple gratuitous digs at Old Whiskey River...)

[cowdery]

excellent. well played.

[Josh]

April fools? This cannot be real.

Brilliant! (I liked the multiple gratuitous digs at Old Whiskey River...)

excellent. well played.

Josh,

Clearly you have a little too much time on your hands--but I like it anyway.

Cheers!

I don't know what any of you mean. I just report, you decide.:skep:

P.S. I was once on a flight from Kathmandu to Dhaka on Biman, the Bangladesh national airline, and was disconcerted when the pilot announced we'd be landing at General Zia International Airport at such-and-such a time, Inshallah, i.e., if it pleases God. I found that kind of fatalism offputting, especially since the aircraft, an old DC-8, had obviously seen better days. Also, no liquor was served on the flight, especially disappointing considering the circumstances.

Yeah, that's pretty unnerving. You never want to hear a pilot say, "if it pleases God". I would have definately hit the airport bar pretty hard after that experience. A nice long pour of ORR would have hit the spot after that.

[SBOmarc]

I had written this day off until I ran across this. Waited all day for something, and I was finally rewarded with this thread.

[fishnbowljoe]

I only have one thing to say. :slappin: :slappin: :slappin: Joe

[bonneamie]

Josh, you have a great future ahead of you as a fiction writer!

[HighTower]

I as about to email Binny's to see how long I gotta wait!!

Awesome Josh!

Scott

[pepcycle]

Second Best April Fools Joke of the Day.

Car and Driver reported on its web site that Obama was forcing GM and Chrysler to withdraw their support for NASCAR in order to received bailout funds.

It was up about ten minutes before the &^%* hit the fan.

The Tractors would've been doubleparked outside the Whitehouse.