Alert! Alert! - USS Phischy Alert!

[Phischy]

ALERT! ALERT! ALERT!

ALL HANDS ON DECK! REPORT TO COMBAT STATIONS!

"ALL HANDS, THIS IS CAPTAIN E SPEAKING. BTAC FLEET HAS ARRIVED WITHOUT WARNING. SONAR HAS BEEN KEEL HAULED FOR LACKING IN HIS DUTY. RIG THE SHIP FOR SILENT, WE'RE GOING DEEP AND COMING UP BEHIND THEM."

Capt'n E: "Coms: what the hell happened? How did they suddenly surprise us!"

Coms: "Sir, we were tracking a BTAC Fleet '06 straggler....she was a pain to track down and required all our resources. We missed the arrival of the BTAC '07 fleet! However, in the process we were able to contact a Fleet member who was willing to trade some of their cargo to avoid demolition. Shipment to proceed in a week."

Sonar: "Sir! Passive Sonar detecting BTAC at a range of 3 miles!"

Capt'n E: "Sonar, One Ping Only"

Sonar: "Aye Aye Sir!"

PING!

PING!

Sonar: "SIR! Confirmed w/ return ping! BTAC at a range of 3miles!"

Capt'n E: "Weps! Prepare a firing solution! Warm the fish up! Nav: Forget the deal with the other cargo ship, it's too far off. We'll bag the Ships at range of 3miles in the BEVMO quarter then go after the one that wants to deal. Raiders: Prepare to board and PILAGE!!!"

[snakster]

I have mixed emotions about this turn of events. On one hand I'm happy about the good fortunes of the crew of the Phischy, on the other hand, I fear the entertainment will end.

[OscarV]

Hey Phischy

I have some bad news for you.

The Enviromenatal Protection Agency has banned all flamable liquids, including whiskey over the 140 proof level, in Southern California becaause of wildfire problems.

But as a concerned citizen and Brother of yours on this SB.com forum I will gladly take those Staggs from you and not report you to the proper authorities.

Really, I'd love to help you, so ship them all to me.:grin:

[Phischy]

(TIME: AM THE NEXT MORNING. WE RETURN AS CAPT'N E AND THE PIRATE SUB USS PHISCHY CLOSES IN ON A BTAC FLEET CARGO SHIP....)

Capt'n E: "All stations report in."

Navs: "Sir, we've closed in on the BEVMO formation and found a BTAC cargo ship that seems to be having engine trouble. She's 200 feet off the bow."

Sonar: "Sir, I concur, lots of banging around of heavy machinery, her diesels are knocking and she may have thrown a johnson rod. Or her muffler bearings are shot."

Weps: "Sir, 4 fish in the tubes, flooded, doors closed! We have a firing solution!"

Sonar: "Sir, other Pirates may be in the area...this ship has been making a racket all night, we may have competition!"

Coms: "Sir, she's putting out a distress signal! I don't think she's see us, but she may be spooked about surface pirates!"

Raiders: "Sir, the boarding party is ready to go. Once we surface we can have the zodiaks inflated and loaded in 5 minutes. Are swords be sharp and our tongues needin' bourbons, SIR!"

Capt'n E: "Sonar, keep a close look out for other hooligans. Weps, be ready to enter a new solution for competition. Boarding party, to your stations!"

"ATTENTION ALL HANDS, THE MOMENT IS HERE TO YOUR BATTLE STATIONS! WE'RE ABOUT TO BREAK SILENCE AND GO IN HARD AND FAST. OUR PREY IS LAYING LOW IN THE WATER, HEAVY WITH CARGO AND HER ENGINES ARE DOWN. YOU KNOW YOUR JOBS AND WE MAY HAVE COMPETITION FROM HMS FLASHPUPPY, USSSR HEATMIESTER OR THOSE DREADED CHINESE ELECTRICS. ON YOUR TOES BOYS, WE'RE GOING IN!"

Capt'n E: "Sonar, prepare to go active, feed Weps positions, speed and for any bogeys out there. Garrrr...this ship be OURS! And someone find Seaman Stubbs, I need my laundry done! Ready.....engaged NOW!"

*THE ELECTRIC ENGINES HUM TO LIFE AS THE USS PHISCHY BREAKS SILENCE AND TEARS SILENTLY THROUGH THE DEEP WATER TOWARD THE STRANDED BTAC CARGO SHIP. CREW MOVES ABOUT READYING THE BOAT, TENSION AND EXCITMENT ARE HIGH*

*SONAR GOES ACTIVE*

PING! PING/PING..PING.....PING!

PING! PING/PING..PING.....PING!

Sonar: "SIR! We've got 4 boats out there! Ranges varying from 1000yrds to 5200yrds! Feeding Weps info!"

Weps: "Receiving data....calculating solutions!"

Capt'n E: "Steady boys, we got the jump on them. Bet they didn't expect to hear anyone go active. Get me those solutions ASAFP!"

Weps: "Solution fed to fish#1!"

Capt'n E: "Weps OP: FIRE!"

Weps: "Aye aye sir, Fire Tube 1!"

*KPSCHFOOOOOOSCHHHHHHHHHH!*

Weps: "Fish 1 loose, she's tracking and going active!"

PINGPINGPINGPINGPINGPINGPING........................................

Weps: "Solution fed to fish#2!"

Capt'n E: "Weps OP: FIRE!"

Weps: "Aye aye sir, Fire Tube 2!"

*KPSCHFOOOOOOSCHHHHHHHHHH!*

Weps: "Fish 2 loose, she's tracking and going active!"

PINGPINGPINGPINGPINGPINGPING........................................

Capt'n E: "Navs, bring us to N45d45'W...all ahead flank, lets nail these last two and take our prize!"

Sonar: "Sir, the other two villanious subs are getting underway and look to be coming after us! I think they're in cahoots, most likely N. Korean's!

Capt'n E: "North Koreans??!!?! How did Kim Jong aquire subs and station them so far out here? Navs: ready for evasive manuvers! Weps: ready the counter measures and Dammit, I need those last two solutions! NOW!"

Weps: "Recalculating SIR! They turned into us, permission to remove the saftey's from the last two fish!"

Capt'n E: "Granted!"

Weps: "Solution fed to fish#3!"

Capt'n E: "Weps OP: FIRE!"

Weps: "Aye aye sir, Fire Tube 3!"

*KPSCHFOOOOOOSCHHHHHHHHHH!*

Weps: "Fish 3 loose, she's tracking and going active!"

PINGPINGPINGPINGPINGPINGPING........................................

*TREMENDOUS EXPLOSION!*

Sonar: "Sir, Fish 1 found it's mark! Postive impact, repeat, Positive impact. I can hear her bulkheads collapsing!"

Capt'n E: "1 down, 2 fish loose and a 4th enemy hunting us. We're not out of the thick of it yet! Forward torpedo room: Reload those tubes ASAFP, we may need a few more shots!"

FTR: "Aye Aye Sir! 1 of the tubes won't clear the water...loading tubes 2 & 3!"

PING!

[Phischy]

Sonar: "Captain! We've been pinged! Sub 4 is behind us!"

Capt'n E, having been in this situation before is more than ready. "Sonar, feed that ping data into Weps, prepare to fire Rear Tub 5! Navs: Keep us nice and steady! Weps: release counter measures and open rear doors!"

*TREMENDOUS EXPLOSION!*

Sonar: "Sir, Fish 2 found it's mark! Postive impact, repeat, Positive impact. Sub 4 is opening her outer doors!"

Weps: "Sir, 1 more minute!"

Capt'n E: "Sonar, is she straight and normal behind us?"

Sonar: "Aye Aye skipper! The countermeasures masked the sound of the doors opening!"

Capt'n E: "Weps, HIP SHOT! FIRE!"

Weps: "Aye aye sir, Fire Tube 5!"

*KPSCHFOOOOOOSCHHHHHHHHHH!*

Weps: "Fish 5 loose, hot and active!"

PINGPINGPINGPINGPINGPINGPING........................................

Sonar: "Sir, you caught them by surprise! She's trying to evade!"

Capt'n E: "Weps, give me a 2nd solution for Tube 6: that's a brave and smart captain back there! Nav: Once tube 6 is launched, bring us about, we'll need our forward tubes ready. RTR: Lads, reload those tubes when empty! FTP: Progress on tubes 2&3!"

FTP: "Sir, tubes loaded, flooded and doors open!"

Sonar: "Sir, she's evading and releasing counter measures!"

Weps: "Solution fed to fish#6!"

Capt'n E: "Weps OP: FIRE!"

Weps: "Aye aye sir, Fire Tube 6!"

*KPSCHFOOOOOOSCHHHHHHHHHH!*

Weps: "Fish 6 loose, she's tracking and going active!"

PINGPINGPINGPINGPINGPINGPING........................................

*TREMENDOUS EXPLOSION!*

Sonar: "Sir, Fish 3 found it's mark! Postive impact, repeat, Positive impact. Both fish 5&6 tracking the evading sub! I don't think she can evade two of our Mark III's sir"

Capt'n E: "I would doubt it as well, but she did manage to get on our 6! Keep us at a safe distance but lets wait till she's on her way down to Davy Jones before we get ahead of ourselves."

*THE CREW LISTENS TO THE FAR OFF SONAR OF THE 2 MARK III's TRACKING THEIR PREY. ALL KNOWNING THE FEAR THE CRWE OF THE SUB MUST HAVE KNOWNING THEIR FATE. HAPPY IT'S NOT THEM, THEY RELISH THEIR CAPTAIN'S SKILL.*

Sonar: "Sir, she's blown her emergency tanks, she's trying to surface!"

Capt'n E: "I don't know who that captain is, but he knows he's beat. He's trying to give his crew the best chance to survive by being on the surface when those fish find their ma....."

*2 TREMENDOUS EXPLOSIONS!*

"ATTENTION ALL HANDS, WE HAVE DEFEATED THE ENEMY LAYING IN WAIT AROUND THE BTAC CARGO SHIP. A MOMENT OF SILENCE FOR OUR FELLOW SUB MARINERS. ALTHOUGH THEY SAIL UNDER A DIFFERENT FLAG, THEY ARE BROTHERS. MAY THE SEAS CLAIM THEIR BODIES AND THEIR SOULS SET FREE. ALL STATIONS: READY AND REPORT IN! PREPARE TO SURFACE, BOARDING PARTY AT THE READY, WEPS MAN THE DECK GUN, IT'S NOT OVER YET BOYS!"

(TIME: LATER THAT SAME MORNING. THE CREAKING SOUNDS OF 4 SUBS BREAKING UP IN THE BACKGROUND SETS THE STAGE FOR THE BOARDING OF THE BTAC CARGO SHIP IN THE BEVMO SECTOR. AFTER MONTHS OF WAITING, THIS. IS. IT.....)

[Phischy]

Hey Phischy

I have some bad news for you.

The Enviromenatal Protection Agency has banned all flamable liquids, including whiskey over the 140 proof level, in Southern California becaause of wildfire problems.

But as a concerned citizen and Brother of yours on this SB.com forum I will gladly take those Staggs from you and not report you to the proper authorities.

Really, I'd love to help you, so ship them all to me.:grin:

GARRRRR.....Pirates don't follow the EPA rules and regs!

Yo ho ho, a bottle of Stagg for me!

[Phischy]

(TIME: LATER THAT SAME DAY, THE INTREPID USS PHISCHY, HER CAPT'N AND CREW CLOSE IN ON THE DIASABLED BTAC CARGO SHIP...)

Capt'n E: "Navs: surface the boat. Bring us along side @ a range of 500yrds. Raiders: prepare to exit and deploy zodiacks!"

Navs: "Aye Aye Sir! Helmsman, bring us along side, surface the boat!"

Raiders: "Aye Aye Sir! We be ready for a raidin'!"

*THE USS PHSICHY SURFACES, A DARK SHAPE AGAINST THE OCEANS CALM WATERS, SPLITTING THE CALM WATERS AS IF SHE WERE A LEVIATHIAN FROM THE DARKEST LEAGUES. HER DECKS BECOME A MASS OF ACTIVITY AS CREWMAN POUR OUT OF HER HATCHES...OPENING THE COMPARTMENTS CONTAINING THE INFLATABLE BOATS AND HER WEPS CREW READILING HER DECK GUN. THE LONG BARREL UNHOOKED FROM IT'S STORAGE POSITION AND SWUNG INTO ACTION FACING THE DISABLED CARGO SHIP. RAIDERS MAN THE BOATS AND SKIRT OFF IN HASTE TOWARD THE BTAC SHIP...WE JOIN OUR RAIDER GROUP....*

Raider Commander: "Get those boats in formation, let's shove off and taker quick'n'easy lads!"

*Shouted agreement among the raiders.*

Raider Commander: "Hmmmm....she sure seems lifeless...they surely must see us coming. I've got a bad feeling about this...."

*THE ZODIAKS RUN ALONG SIDE UNOPPOSED, GRAPPLING HOOKS ARE SHOT FROM GUNS AND SECURED TO THE RAILINGS ABOVE. THE CREW ASECENDS THE SIDE OF THE SHIP W/ MUCH GARRR'ING AND HOOAH'ING*

Raider Commander as he goes over the rail: "Break into squads, you know your jobs, secure the bridge, secure the engine room and secure the crew. GO NOW!"

*TIME PASSES*

Raider Commander via walkie-talkie: "Capt'n, something is wrong. There is new crew, no cargo and no signs of life aboard this ship. She's a ghost sir...either her crew abanonded her or she never held cargo. I've got a bad feeling about thi....."

Raider Commando: "Commander! We are scouring the ship when we busted into a maintence closet, it's full of exp...."

*ALL COMMUNICATION IS CUT OFF*

*TREMENDOUS EXPLOSION!*

*THE BTAC CARGO SHIP EXPLODES*

Capt'n E: "It's a TRAP! Secure the deck, Navs ready the ship for quick dive. Weps secure that deck gun NOW!"

"ATTENTION ALL HANDS, IT'S A TRAP! READY THE SHIP FOR QUICK DIVE AND TO RUN SILENT. SECURE EVERYTHING! WE'VE LOST OUR RAIDING PARTY. BACK TO YOUR STATION, FIRE CREWS TO THE READY!"

Capt'n E: "2nd LT, I think we sprung their trap early. I be those subs were waiting for us to surface and board, the explosives to take out our crew and then the enemy would open fire upon us while vunerable on the surface. Dammit...at least we'll get away. Who is leading this BTAC convoy? I can tell you this, there isn't any BTAC in the BEVMO sector today."

2nd LT: "Sir! Do you think it was a ruse?"

Capt'n E: "No, they're coming through here, they just tried to lure us out early. DAMN THEM for taking our commandos!" Sonar: any contacts?"

Sonar: "Negative Capt'n. Aside from the derelect sinking, it's a grave yard out there."

"ATTENTION ALL HANDS, IT APPEARS THE NORTH KOREAN'S ATTEMPTED TO LURE US OUT IN HOPES OF DESTROYING US. WE SPRUNG THEIR TRAP EARLY, BUT THE EXPLOSIVES LEFT ONBOARD THE CARGO SHIP TOOK OUT OUR RAIDING CREW. IT IS MY BELIEF THEY WAITED TO CLEAR A PATH FOR THE BTAC FLEET TO MOVE THROUGH HERE IN 1 WEEK."

(AND SO CONTINUES THE ADVENTURES OF THE USS PHISCHY!)

[snakster]

Gold Jerry.....GOLD!

Again mixed emosions. I grieve for the commando team (may God have mercy on their souls) and yet I am buoyed knowing that the brave crew of the U.S.S. Phischy fights on. I certainly hope this has a happy ending. Their Captain deserves a kind fate.

[Phischy]

Sonar: "Capt'n, got a faint echo..."

Captain E: "What do you think it is Jonsey?"

Sonar: "Lots of props, few miles off....Sir...I think the Fleet has arrived."

"ATTENTION ALL HANDS. THIS IS THE CAPTAIN SPEAKING. RIG THE SHIP FOR SILENT RUNNING. WEPS, PREPARE TO MAN THE DECK GUN. BOARDING PARTY, PREPARE TO RAID. THIS IS IT BOYS, THE FLEET HAS ARRIVED."

Captain E: "Conn: Bring us to 500 feet. All ahead flank speed! Weps: Get the fish warmed up...prepare a firing solution as fast as possible. We're going in hard and quick, any more North Korean's and we're firing from the hip. No misses."

[Phischy]

Comms: "Sir! We're recieving word from the Admiral of the BTAC Fleet! He's willing to barter some of his cargo for safe passage!"

Captain E: "Well then, I guess he got word of what happened for the trap they set. What's his offer?"

Comms: "Email states they've got ER 17, Saz 18, Saz rye, Handy and Stagg."

Captain E: "Well then, if that's all they have, they shall live. Arrange the transfer!"

And thus the USS Phischy finally managed to snag some of the BTAC bottlings. Turns out the ER17 is actually from '06, all came from Bevmo. The store manager didn't even put it on the shelf, he had it in the back waiting for me and sent me an email. I guess bugging him 2x a week for 3 months works! It's available on their website, but you have to ask for it in the store.....

[luv2hunt]

OH...that's too bad......really the '06 ER 17 is the worst of the bunch. The '07 is surely a treasure. Guess you'll have to keep looking :skep::skep:

[Phischy]

Are you kidding me? Although I had been drinking rye, then Stagg, then went to the ER17 '06 and I wasn't overly impressed. Although my senses had properly been nuked.

I'll keep looking, some stores haven't even gotten in their shipments yet!

[snakster]

And thus the USS Phischy finally managed to snag some of the BTAC bottlings.

Well done sir.

[Phischy]

I may have to redo that ending, rather anticlimatic but I was bone dead tired yesterday.